Because I'm Here
Navigating Grief from a Medium's Perspective
On November 13th 2009 at 8:00am I was standing beside my mother’s hospital bed as the doctors were preparing her for removing life support for organ donation. She had had a stroke eight days before hand and was in a coma with brain death. I knew my life was changing faster than what I was comfortable with because my mother had been the centre of our family for our entire lives. Even as a medium who spends time connecting with people’s loved ones for them I had no idea how I was going to get through the next few hours, days, weeks or even years. My mother had been so healthy and to have her pass away at the young age of 51 was something that I did not think could ever happen. So many people experience loss and it’s never easy.
When I sit to connect with people’s loved ones for them I start with a quick meditation. During that meditation I am centering myself, asking my Spirit Guides to be present to help with the session; I connect with Mother Earth and God and I ask for the person’s loved ones to step forward. During this part of my work I consciously step into what I can only describe as an awareness of the love that flows through the entire universe. One of the most important parts of the process for me is connecting with my compassion and asking the divine to inspire love within me for the purpose of bringing healing to my client. When I feel the moment of “clicking in” to that love I become so aware of how loved the person in front of me is: unconditionally, unwaveringly, unlimitedly and eternally. All people are so surrounded by this love and it is always right there if we can have patience to accept it and how it works in our life over time.
The idea of the afterlife has been around since the beginning of time and over history different cultures, religions and spiritual paths have hypothesized what happens after our moment of physical death. As a medium I know the following to be true:
As humans it is only natural that we want to live up to the wishes and expectations of those have passed on. As we progress through our grieving we may even feel that the person may dislike the way that we are living our lives and the choices that we make although in my experience as a medium this is never true. In the thousands of sessions that I have done for others over the course of my career never once has a spirit said they are upset with the way someone is living their life. When people pass over they have a complete understanding from a very heightened perspective of earthy life and what brings us to the decisions we make – both good and bad. If this is something that you’ve been experiencing know that your loved ones are right beside you, loving you and sending you healing so that you may release this unwarranted guilt.
The sadness, anger and desperation that is felt with moving through death is completely acceptable. When somebody passes from our lives we all go through death. Death is not just the ending of a life on earth it is the ending of the physical existence of a way of being which includes the ending of the physical relationship (which is felt more by those who are still physically on earth than those in spirit). Grieving is the process of acceptance and discovery of a new way of being and the new way of relating with those that we love after their physical transition to another plane.
Holding in emotions is not a viable option. It is natural to experience the pain, anger, resentment, sadness, despair and even sometimes happiness (in certain cases) and expressing these things is not only helpful but it is also important. Sometimes people feel that it is unacceptable to feel the emotions nevertheless say the thoughts that come into their minds because they are “harsh” or “ungrateful” or even “blasphemous”. Thinking and feeling these things are real and a big part of self love and self care is to let them out. As a medium and healer I have come to know this process as transmutation – the process of healing where one converts something challenging into something beneficial. Your loved ones want you to be happy, healthy, abundant and loved and are completely understanding of the process of loss even if these are things that they did not say or understand during their physical time on earth. From heaven all things are clear.
Grief comes in many forms, time lengths, processes, emotions, needs, desires and fears. There is no right or wrong way to move through what you’re going through and the only real requirement is that you do so as responsibly as possible. The wanting to lash out is normal and the people around you will most likely understand but be sure to also be kind to yourself. The process can seem never ending but I promise you that you will find peace with it. Many people experience wanting to run from the pain which is completely understandable. When you’re ready to sit in that pain, as impossible as it may seem, then healing can happen. There is no timeline that can be followed for this and even though it may feel impossible you can trust your heart, it knows what it’s doing to heal itself. Try and take the time you need.
You are still connected to those who have passed on. Love is the most powerful energy within the universe and it is both undying and transdimensional. The teaching that love is an emotion is very lacking in the sense that it is not something that is only contained within your heart because in truth it is also contained in actions, movement, healing and possibilities and in my experience it is the biggest thing that continues on and is so strong that it still effects the physical world even after the person departs from their physical body. Some people get visitations in dreams, others feel the presence of their loved ones and some do not experience either of these things but I can promise you that your loved ones are still active within your life, in your everyday experiences and can appear in an infinite number of ways. You never lose your connection with them and I can promise you that they are present, aware and intentionally helping you within your life. Sometimes people feel those they love are too busy on the other side to still walk beside them but this is never the case. We as humans on earth live in the constraints of time, limitation and “single focus” however those in heaven have the ability to be in more than one place at one time and to focus on multiple connections with those on earth simultaneously.
Over time things will become different. Some people feel it gets easier, others feel it gets better but either way it will become different. Trusting the process is just as important as it is difficult and sometimes trusting those around you to help you to put one foot in front of the other is important when you feel you cannot see the ground yourself. If you don’t have a good support system already then please look for this within your community in-person, over the phone or online – there are many resources for people who are experiencing loss.
When you’re ready it may be helpful to do something of your own to honour the life of your loved one. I know from personal experience that funerals are such an intense event where you may be greeted by tons of people and while that is very heart warming, supportive and healing it can also be exhausting and more often than not the reality of the physical passing of your loved one is only just starting to become apparent. After some time passes and when you feel ready do something of your own to honour your loved one, I can promise you they’ll be right beside you as you do.
Old traditions change with death but that doesn’t mean that new ones can’t be created and through all of this you will find your loved ones where you always have – in your hearts.
Be patient with yourself, dear one, this too shall pass.
(If you or someone you know is struggling with grief and need to talk to somebody there is confidential help available through Crisis lines across the globe. In Ottawa you can call the Distress Centre at (613-238-3311). If you’re in other regions of Canada you can find a Distress Centre near you by looking at www.cdln-rldc.ca. If you’re in the US you can call 1-800-273-8255 or chat online at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. If you’re in England you can call 08457-90-90-90. For all other countries please check out this great resource www.yourlifecounts.org.)
When I sit to connect with people’s loved ones for them I start with a quick meditation. During that meditation I am centering myself, asking my Spirit Guides to be present to help with the session; I connect with Mother Earth and God and I ask for the person’s loved ones to step forward. During this part of my work I consciously step into what I can only describe as an awareness of the love that flows through the entire universe. One of the most important parts of the process for me is connecting with my compassion and asking the divine to inspire love within me for the purpose of bringing healing to my client. When I feel the moment of “clicking in” to that love I become so aware of how loved the person in front of me is: unconditionally, unwaveringly, unlimitedly and eternally. All people are so surrounded by this love and it is always right there if we can have patience to accept it and how it works in our life over time.
The idea of the afterlife has been around since the beginning of time and over history different cultures, religions and spiritual paths have hypothesized what happens after our moment of physical death. As a medium I know the following to be true:
- All people regardless of who they were on earth, what they did (both good and bad) and how they passed away are immediately in a perfectly healed state of peace, love and understanding.
- Love does not die with physical passing and those who pass still exist closely to the earth plane and continue to be a part of the lives of those who survived them physically.
- No person is ever left behind, stuck between worlds, unaware of their passing, in a state of pain or lack, in a state of anger or judgement or in a state of disappointment with those who survived their physical passing.
As humans it is only natural that we want to live up to the wishes and expectations of those have passed on. As we progress through our grieving we may even feel that the person may dislike the way that we are living our lives and the choices that we make although in my experience as a medium this is never true. In the thousands of sessions that I have done for others over the course of my career never once has a spirit said they are upset with the way someone is living their life. When people pass over they have a complete understanding from a very heightened perspective of earthy life and what brings us to the decisions we make – both good and bad. If this is something that you’ve been experiencing know that your loved ones are right beside you, loving you and sending you healing so that you may release this unwarranted guilt.
The sadness, anger and desperation that is felt with moving through death is completely acceptable. When somebody passes from our lives we all go through death. Death is not just the ending of a life on earth it is the ending of the physical existence of a way of being which includes the ending of the physical relationship (which is felt more by those who are still physically on earth than those in spirit). Grieving is the process of acceptance and discovery of a new way of being and the new way of relating with those that we love after their physical transition to another plane.
Holding in emotions is not a viable option. It is natural to experience the pain, anger, resentment, sadness, despair and even sometimes happiness (in certain cases) and expressing these things is not only helpful but it is also important. Sometimes people feel that it is unacceptable to feel the emotions nevertheless say the thoughts that come into their minds because they are “harsh” or “ungrateful” or even “blasphemous”. Thinking and feeling these things are real and a big part of self love and self care is to let them out. As a medium and healer I have come to know this process as transmutation – the process of healing where one converts something challenging into something beneficial. Your loved ones want you to be happy, healthy, abundant and loved and are completely understanding of the process of loss even if these are things that they did not say or understand during their physical time on earth. From heaven all things are clear.
Grief comes in many forms, time lengths, processes, emotions, needs, desires and fears. There is no right or wrong way to move through what you’re going through and the only real requirement is that you do so as responsibly as possible. The wanting to lash out is normal and the people around you will most likely understand but be sure to also be kind to yourself. The process can seem never ending but I promise you that you will find peace with it. Many people experience wanting to run from the pain which is completely understandable. When you’re ready to sit in that pain, as impossible as it may seem, then healing can happen. There is no timeline that can be followed for this and even though it may feel impossible you can trust your heart, it knows what it’s doing to heal itself. Try and take the time you need.
You are still connected to those who have passed on. Love is the most powerful energy within the universe and it is both undying and transdimensional. The teaching that love is an emotion is very lacking in the sense that it is not something that is only contained within your heart because in truth it is also contained in actions, movement, healing and possibilities and in my experience it is the biggest thing that continues on and is so strong that it still effects the physical world even after the person departs from their physical body. Some people get visitations in dreams, others feel the presence of their loved ones and some do not experience either of these things but I can promise you that your loved ones are still active within your life, in your everyday experiences and can appear in an infinite number of ways. You never lose your connection with them and I can promise you that they are present, aware and intentionally helping you within your life. Sometimes people feel those they love are too busy on the other side to still walk beside them but this is never the case. We as humans on earth live in the constraints of time, limitation and “single focus” however those in heaven have the ability to be in more than one place at one time and to focus on multiple connections with those on earth simultaneously.
Over time things will become different. Some people feel it gets easier, others feel it gets better but either way it will become different. Trusting the process is just as important as it is difficult and sometimes trusting those around you to help you to put one foot in front of the other is important when you feel you cannot see the ground yourself. If you don’t have a good support system already then please look for this within your community in-person, over the phone or online – there are many resources for people who are experiencing loss.
When you’re ready it may be helpful to do something of your own to honour the life of your loved one. I know from personal experience that funerals are such an intense event where you may be greeted by tons of people and while that is very heart warming, supportive and healing it can also be exhausting and more often than not the reality of the physical passing of your loved one is only just starting to become apparent. After some time passes and when you feel ready do something of your own to honour your loved one, I can promise you they’ll be right beside you as you do.
Old traditions change with death but that doesn’t mean that new ones can’t be created and through all of this you will find your loved ones where you always have – in your hearts.
Be patient with yourself, dear one, this too shall pass.
(If you or someone you know is struggling with grief and need to talk to somebody there is confidential help available through Crisis lines across the globe. In Ottawa you can call the Distress Centre at (613-238-3311). If you’re in other regions of Canada you can find a Distress Centre near you by looking at www.cdln-rldc.ca. If you’re in the US you can call 1-800-273-8255 or chat online at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. If you’re in England you can call 08457-90-90-90. For all other countries please check out this great resource www.yourlifecounts.org.)