I Am Afraid (and I Surrender)

I hold on to my moments of happiness for fear that they will leave;
That I will feel deprivation and the cold and the dark;
That the lonely will over take me and that the road will turn into the paths already traveled;
That I will come undone and that I will have no hope and that the shadows will become my company and my friend;
That I will be imprisoned with invisible walls and that I will be ill beyond a cure.
 
But desperate hope cannot be my hospital and wishes cannot cure me and my control cannot speed the winds or change the direction that water flows.
I hold the reigns tightly and my hands are tired and my resistance has become my prison for long enough and my eyes are weary and my mind has worried enough times.
 
God may your Spirit be the peace within my heart, that I may let go of the reigns of hope and bring acceptance to desperation, may my wishes cease and  the wind and the water wash away all that I have become and may I finally trust so that I may come undone and be reborn.
 
I surrender.
 
By: Matthew Stapley