With A Little Help from My Friends...
Four truths for getting through the next hour (or longer) during life’s up-hills and downfalls, heart breaks, anxieties and fears from a psychic-medium and generally outspoken person’s spiritual perspective.
It started with a moment of anger. Like so many of you I have been on a path of shifting things in my life for many years and I, like so many of you, have moments where I run out of ideas. Aside from flying to Nepal and climbing to a mountain top to scream at the sky I have tried my best. Tiredness can be a symptom of over exertion of the physical body but more than that it can be a condition of the human spirit.
Prior to becoming ordained in 2014 I went through the previous few years in ministerial training and I thought that I knew everything about being a minister. I had the faith, the compassion, the education and in January of that year I had the paperwork. It was about 5 minutes after the ordination ceremony finished that all of the feelings of certainty and confidence that I had in my path as a minister vanished and I realized I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. When I sat down and thought about it, all that I really had to go forward with was theological training that most people wouldn’t ask me about, my life experience of 28 years and the ability to speak to Spirit.
In the following few years my life went crazy. It wasn’t just a busy crazy or a disorganized crazy it was a full-on “remove the ‘z’ from ‘crazy’ because they’re sharp” cray cray. To be fair a lot of my life had been a little disjointed for one reason or another but I can only describe what happened the moment after my purple stole was placed around my neck as the most intensive ministerial training I could’ve ever hoped for – Life.
We all have a way to navigate through our own lives. Many of us question whether or not our process is inherently flawed. In the same moment that we question that we are often trying to keep ourselves functional and our lives manageable and often times find it hard to take longer than a few minutes at a time for ourselves. Often times the further we go outside of ourselves to find what will be helpful to us (including ourselves) the further away from our truest selves we often feel.
Today I got mad. At first I was mad because of things in my own life but then I looked out the window and thought of how so many people’s hearts get broken, how people are hurt and injured and how so many loving and warm and kind people become cold. I demanded to know why or at least what I could do about it. I gave the middle finger to the sky (three times to be exact) and I asked God to talk to me. A few minutes later I started searching online for information about surrender and things that can help (this is not by any means the first time that I had done this but as it turns out 2.75 million new blog posts are made each day from around the globe). I didn’t really find anything that felt like it sit right with me and then I opened my word processor to try and see if something would come in through inspiration from Spirit. On a separate note the original subtitle of this post was “How to navigate the three ring shit show circus of life for middle-finger-fluent, pissed off, kind hearted and loving but really fucking tired people from a psychic-medium’s perspective, obviously” but I didn’t think it was necessarily eloquent enough for a title although, at the time, entirely appropriate.
When I began asking Spirit for advice for myself and others I initially wanted to write something that would be helpful for the long haul but what I realized was that if people can get through the next hour then they can keep getting through with some adjustment along the way.
Here is what Spirit inspired me with:
The Four Truths
Truth One: There are moments to act and moments to receive
There are times when we are experiencing stress where we have options of immediate action that we can take to shift out path and there are moments that we do not. Taking a moment to decide whether or not we have immediate viable options that we can act on is important. If the answer is that we do not have an immediate action then taking time to receive is a viable option.
From a spiritual teachings perspective we know that we are supported by the universe, our Spirit Guides and loved ones as well as God/Source energy. In moments where receiving is a viable option then taking a moment to connect with yourself and asking for help from the universe for healing, peace, guidance or wisdom can really help to re-orient yourself within the stressful situation that you are facing.
Having realistic expectations for this process is also important. We cannot expect the universe to fix all of our problems on our behalf however it is always willing to help us resolve any situation that we come across if we’re willing to listen.
One technique that you can use for this is to close your eyes and connect with yourself. Start by imagining roots going from you to the centre of the earth, focus on your breathing, relax your body and intend that you are releasing any excess energy to the earth itself. Next connect upwards by imagining the highest point of light above you and calling that energy down into you allowing it to flow through you and down that root system into the center of the earth. Find your center (it could be your heart, your solar plexus, your core or anywhere that you feel your soul emanates from). At this point you can voice your concern to the universe (although they already know it) and sit quietly allowing this connection to bring you peace, energy, healing or insight. You can do this exercise with a specific intention in mind or just to receive help. You’ll know when the energetic transfer is complete as you’ll feel that it’s time to return to conscious awareness of your physical surroundings again. This technique of receiving can energetically help you to restore mental and emotional balance in order to proceed with the next step in your day or journey and it can last for seconds, minutes or longer. The more you practice this the better you will become at it.
Truth Two: Everything for a Reason and Every Reason an Opportunity
Anyone who has ever picked up any spiritual or religious material has heard the phrase “Everything happens for a reason”. If you’re in the midst of a stressful situation I also know that hearing this is probably making you want to burn my blog down and I completely empathize with this frustration because of how cliché it sounds. I remember one time somebody told me that what I was going through would be okay because of this very widely held belief. Hearing it didn’t help even though at a heart level I knew that they were right. I spent quite a bit of time contemplating this very phrase because for a long time I wasn’t convinced that it wasn't some sort of spiritual bypassing (a term used for not taking personal responsibility for thoughts and actions and instead replacing it with a spiritual, religious or new age belief) or a way of sluffing off the hard truth of a situation.
That said in my exploration of this concept over the years I realized there is a lot of truth to it but an inspirational phrase is only as good as the validity behind it so here is what I learned from Spirit:
There are important lessons that our soul wants us to learn for its own development and also important lessons that the universe wants us to teach. The universe also truly does have our best interest at heart and as our life path unfolds we move forward with unlimited options to become our best selves regardless of whether or not we are meeting our goals for our idea of what our best life would be. When we become our best selves we are happier, healthier, more heart centered and consequently more joyful and our life goals become centered around the version of ourselves that we have already become. Being our best selves has a huge amount to do with how we respond to and interact with the world, people, experiences and opportunities around us and what our relationship with ourselves is like. In every moment we have an opportunity to ask ourselves “Is this thought/belief/action bringing me closer to me being my best self?” and “Does the choice I am making in this moment bring me closer to the life that I want?”. If the answer is no to either of these then it may be best to shift that experience.
Everything may happen for a reason and there are so many things that we cannot control but in every moment of joy or difficulty we can immediately change how we interact with the experience from the way that we think about it to the way that we form beliefs about it to the way that we act on things and in every moment we have the power of choice. We all hit situations that aren’t optimal and there is rarely a way to instantly transform something from challenging or shitty to happy or beneficial but being someone that you can be proud of through the process of this is going to help you get through it and at the end of the day you’ll be proud of yourself and there is something to that that is worth more than gold. The universe will probably also give the opportunities to help others to learn how to do the same.
Truth Three: Not All Seeds That Are Watered Will Grow
The first time that I had ever heard this phrase was from my friend Tami. She is an incredibly wise woman who has done more work on herself than anyone that I have ever known and has also had one of the most challenging lives of anyone that I have ever met. This phrase has so much truth behind it and this is the message that I have received from Spirit through my own experiences of difficult moments:
A lot of stress comes from the need to secure a specific outcome of a path and a lot of stress comes from that outcome not being within reach (or perhaps even possible). Learning to “Let go and let God” is sometimes all that we can do in the hopes for a positive outcome to anything that life throws at us once we’ve done everything that we can do ourselves. A lot of peace comes from acceptance and the healing that we undertake as people is either to repair a situation (such as our bodies, minds and/or hearts from an illness) or to find acceptance of what we cannot change to birth understanding of it (such as healing from trauma or healing emotionally for the process of death [physical or figurative]).
Surrender to the divine allows for new roads to open up. It is not about admitting defeat but instead about acceptance of the idea that there may be a better way that is unbeknownst to us or an even better opportunity that we cannot yet see. In this moment of difficulty trying to surrender an entire situation is hard and so for the purpose of getting through the next hour (or longer) just a knowing that even though right now seems impossible that there is a way forward and that at some point that way will become available to you and that even though it may not be in the direction you want right now it has the potential to become even better for you in the long run. We’ve all had that one situation where we wanted a specific outcome to happen and a lot of the time these things also depend on the free will of another or others and so in those moments knowing that if the seeds you are watering do not grow that more seeds or a new field will be provided even if it’s not the exact flowers you are hoping for in this moment.
Truth Four: Help Is Available To Those Who Ask For It
The famous line said by the character Dumbledor in Harry Potter holds within it an incredible truth “Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it”. In the movie he goes on to amend that phrase “Help would always be given at Hogwarts to those who deserve it” but both of these are true. No matter how spiritually aware we are or how physically aware we are in any moment it is also important to know that at this time our consciousness is experiencing earthly life. The world around us is constantly changing and people are struggling and out of this has come many support systems for people to talk about what they’re going through, to get advice, to get help and support and there is no shame in picking up the phone.
In my early and mid twenties I had called a crisis line a few times because of the immense internal stress that I was going through and I found the people I spoke with on those few occasions to be incredibly helpful and caring. If I needed to call one again I absolutely would.
I also remember the apprehension and fear and self-judgment that I had about picking up that phone and dialing those numbers. I had no idea how to start that conversation or what to say first or if I should’ve been even calling but when I decided to try it because everything had become so hard I was pleasantly surprised. The people on the other end of the line are trained volunteers and they are trained in peer support, crisis intervention and have excellent resources at their disposal. If you don’t want to call one of these lines for support try asking people around you for help or support or if it’s something really hard and your mental health is at risk then go to your doctor or an ER. There is no reason to suffer alone and there are many, many free services available to help you to navigate this moment if it has become too much.
To “deserve” help all that you have to do is accept that you need it in this moment and asking the right people or places for it is the only spell you need.
At the end of the day…
You aren’t alone in your pain, your anger, your frustration, your sadness or your wanting to get through. All of life is a process and there are times where getting through the next hour is all that you can focus on for getting to the next part of your path. As I’ve said many times before there are days where I stick my middle finger up to the sky either because of something I’m going through or on behalf of humanity’s suffering. Experiencing our full range of emotions in this life isn’t only allowed it’s recommended (in healthy ways, of course). Learning and education is different than memorizing facts. Our knowledge is tempered with experience to create wisdom and most of that isn’t easy but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t also worth it. I also think you’re worth it and for what it’s worth I love you and I know that you can get through anything. As I’ve said many times before all pain dies by the hand of understanding and as many of have said the world over “this too shall pass” (Seriously don’t punch your computer screen, It really will get better :P ).
At the very least and as said by the very amazing Iyanla Vanzant “Life has an endless supply of do-overs”.
-Matthew Stapley (an empathetically, middle-finger-fluent yet loving, dry humoured, occasionally pissed off individual who is fiercely working towards understanding things for the purpose of helping himself and the world)
Prior to becoming ordained in 2014 I went through the previous few years in ministerial training and I thought that I knew everything about being a minister. I had the faith, the compassion, the education and in January of that year I had the paperwork. It was about 5 minutes after the ordination ceremony finished that all of the feelings of certainty and confidence that I had in my path as a minister vanished and I realized I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. When I sat down and thought about it, all that I really had to go forward with was theological training that most people wouldn’t ask me about, my life experience of 28 years and the ability to speak to Spirit.
In the following few years my life went crazy. It wasn’t just a busy crazy or a disorganized crazy it was a full-on “remove the ‘z’ from ‘crazy’ because they’re sharp” cray cray. To be fair a lot of my life had been a little disjointed for one reason or another but I can only describe what happened the moment after my purple stole was placed around my neck as the most intensive ministerial training I could’ve ever hoped for – Life.
We all have a way to navigate through our own lives. Many of us question whether or not our process is inherently flawed. In the same moment that we question that we are often trying to keep ourselves functional and our lives manageable and often times find it hard to take longer than a few minutes at a time for ourselves. Often times the further we go outside of ourselves to find what will be helpful to us (including ourselves) the further away from our truest selves we often feel.
Today I got mad. At first I was mad because of things in my own life but then I looked out the window and thought of how so many people’s hearts get broken, how people are hurt and injured and how so many loving and warm and kind people become cold. I demanded to know why or at least what I could do about it. I gave the middle finger to the sky (three times to be exact) and I asked God to talk to me. A few minutes later I started searching online for information about surrender and things that can help (this is not by any means the first time that I had done this but as it turns out 2.75 million new blog posts are made each day from around the globe). I didn’t really find anything that felt like it sit right with me and then I opened my word processor to try and see if something would come in through inspiration from Spirit. On a separate note the original subtitle of this post was “How to navigate the three ring shit show circus of life for middle-finger-fluent, pissed off, kind hearted and loving but really fucking tired people from a psychic-medium’s perspective, obviously” but I didn’t think it was necessarily eloquent enough for a title although, at the time, entirely appropriate.
When I began asking Spirit for advice for myself and others I initially wanted to write something that would be helpful for the long haul but what I realized was that if people can get through the next hour then they can keep getting through with some adjustment along the way.
Here is what Spirit inspired me with:
The Four Truths
Truth One: There are moments to act and moments to receive
There are times when we are experiencing stress where we have options of immediate action that we can take to shift out path and there are moments that we do not. Taking a moment to decide whether or not we have immediate viable options that we can act on is important. If the answer is that we do not have an immediate action then taking time to receive is a viable option.
From a spiritual teachings perspective we know that we are supported by the universe, our Spirit Guides and loved ones as well as God/Source energy. In moments where receiving is a viable option then taking a moment to connect with yourself and asking for help from the universe for healing, peace, guidance or wisdom can really help to re-orient yourself within the stressful situation that you are facing.
Having realistic expectations for this process is also important. We cannot expect the universe to fix all of our problems on our behalf however it is always willing to help us resolve any situation that we come across if we’re willing to listen.
One technique that you can use for this is to close your eyes and connect with yourself. Start by imagining roots going from you to the centre of the earth, focus on your breathing, relax your body and intend that you are releasing any excess energy to the earth itself. Next connect upwards by imagining the highest point of light above you and calling that energy down into you allowing it to flow through you and down that root system into the center of the earth. Find your center (it could be your heart, your solar plexus, your core or anywhere that you feel your soul emanates from). At this point you can voice your concern to the universe (although they already know it) and sit quietly allowing this connection to bring you peace, energy, healing or insight. You can do this exercise with a specific intention in mind or just to receive help. You’ll know when the energetic transfer is complete as you’ll feel that it’s time to return to conscious awareness of your physical surroundings again. This technique of receiving can energetically help you to restore mental and emotional balance in order to proceed with the next step in your day or journey and it can last for seconds, minutes or longer. The more you practice this the better you will become at it.
Truth Two: Everything for a Reason and Every Reason an Opportunity
Anyone who has ever picked up any spiritual or religious material has heard the phrase “Everything happens for a reason”. If you’re in the midst of a stressful situation I also know that hearing this is probably making you want to burn my blog down and I completely empathize with this frustration because of how cliché it sounds. I remember one time somebody told me that what I was going through would be okay because of this very widely held belief. Hearing it didn’t help even though at a heart level I knew that they were right. I spent quite a bit of time contemplating this very phrase because for a long time I wasn’t convinced that it wasn't some sort of spiritual bypassing (a term used for not taking personal responsibility for thoughts and actions and instead replacing it with a spiritual, religious or new age belief) or a way of sluffing off the hard truth of a situation.
That said in my exploration of this concept over the years I realized there is a lot of truth to it but an inspirational phrase is only as good as the validity behind it so here is what I learned from Spirit:
There are important lessons that our soul wants us to learn for its own development and also important lessons that the universe wants us to teach. The universe also truly does have our best interest at heart and as our life path unfolds we move forward with unlimited options to become our best selves regardless of whether or not we are meeting our goals for our idea of what our best life would be. When we become our best selves we are happier, healthier, more heart centered and consequently more joyful and our life goals become centered around the version of ourselves that we have already become. Being our best selves has a huge amount to do with how we respond to and interact with the world, people, experiences and opportunities around us and what our relationship with ourselves is like. In every moment we have an opportunity to ask ourselves “Is this thought/belief/action bringing me closer to me being my best self?” and “Does the choice I am making in this moment bring me closer to the life that I want?”. If the answer is no to either of these then it may be best to shift that experience.
Everything may happen for a reason and there are so many things that we cannot control but in every moment of joy or difficulty we can immediately change how we interact with the experience from the way that we think about it to the way that we form beliefs about it to the way that we act on things and in every moment we have the power of choice. We all hit situations that aren’t optimal and there is rarely a way to instantly transform something from challenging or shitty to happy or beneficial but being someone that you can be proud of through the process of this is going to help you get through it and at the end of the day you’ll be proud of yourself and there is something to that that is worth more than gold. The universe will probably also give the opportunities to help others to learn how to do the same.
Truth Three: Not All Seeds That Are Watered Will Grow
The first time that I had ever heard this phrase was from my friend Tami. She is an incredibly wise woman who has done more work on herself than anyone that I have ever known and has also had one of the most challenging lives of anyone that I have ever met. This phrase has so much truth behind it and this is the message that I have received from Spirit through my own experiences of difficult moments:
A lot of stress comes from the need to secure a specific outcome of a path and a lot of stress comes from that outcome not being within reach (or perhaps even possible). Learning to “Let go and let God” is sometimes all that we can do in the hopes for a positive outcome to anything that life throws at us once we’ve done everything that we can do ourselves. A lot of peace comes from acceptance and the healing that we undertake as people is either to repair a situation (such as our bodies, minds and/or hearts from an illness) or to find acceptance of what we cannot change to birth understanding of it (such as healing from trauma or healing emotionally for the process of death [physical or figurative]).
Surrender to the divine allows for new roads to open up. It is not about admitting defeat but instead about acceptance of the idea that there may be a better way that is unbeknownst to us or an even better opportunity that we cannot yet see. In this moment of difficulty trying to surrender an entire situation is hard and so for the purpose of getting through the next hour (or longer) just a knowing that even though right now seems impossible that there is a way forward and that at some point that way will become available to you and that even though it may not be in the direction you want right now it has the potential to become even better for you in the long run. We’ve all had that one situation where we wanted a specific outcome to happen and a lot of the time these things also depend on the free will of another or others and so in those moments knowing that if the seeds you are watering do not grow that more seeds or a new field will be provided even if it’s not the exact flowers you are hoping for in this moment.
Truth Four: Help Is Available To Those Who Ask For It
The famous line said by the character Dumbledor in Harry Potter holds within it an incredible truth “Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it”. In the movie he goes on to amend that phrase “Help would always be given at Hogwarts to those who deserve it” but both of these are true. No matter how spiritually aware we are or how physically aware we are in any moment it is also important to know that at this time our consciousness is experiencing earthly life. The world around us is constantly changing and people are struggling and out of this has come many support systems for people to talk about what they’re going through, to get advice, to get help and support and there is no shame in picking up the phone.
In my early and mid twenties I had called a crisis line a few times because of the immense internal stress that I was going through and I found the people I spoke with on those few occasions to be incredibly helpful and caring. If I needed to call one again I absolutely would.
I also remember the apprehension and fear and self-judgment that I had about picking up that phone and dialing those numbers. I had no idea how to start that conversation or what to say first or if I should’ve been even calling but when I decided to try it because everything had become so hard I was pleasantly surprised. The people on the other end of the line are trained volunteers and they are trained in peer support, crisis intervention and have excellent resources at their disposal. If you don’t want to call one of these lines for support try asking people around you for help or support or if it’s something really hard and your mental health is at risk then go to your doctor or an ER. There is no reason to suffer alone and there are many, many free services available to help you to navigate this moment if it has become too much.
To “deserve” help all that you have to do is accept that you need it in this moment and asking the right people or places for it is the only spell you need.
At the end of the day…
You aren’t alone in your pain, your anger, your frustration, your sadness or your wanting to get through. All of life is a process and there are times where getting through the next hour is all that you can focus on for getting to the next part of your path. As I’ve said many times before there are days where I stick my middle finger up to the sky either because of something I’m going through or on behalf of humanity’s suffering. Experiencing our full range of emotions in this life isn’t only allowed it’s recommended (in healthy ways, of course). Learning and education is different than memorizing facts. Our knowledge is tempered with experience to create wisdom and most of that isn’t easy but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t also worth it. I also think you’re worth it and for what it’s worth I love you and I know that you can get through anything. As I’ve said many times before all pain dies by the hand of understanding and as many of have said the world over “this too shall pass” (Seriously don’t punch your computer screen, It really will get better :P ).
At the very least and as said by the very amazing Iyanla Vanzant “Life has an endless supply of do-overs”.
-Matthew Stapley (an empathetically, middle-finger-fluent yet loving, dry humoured, occasionally pissed off individual who is fiercely working towards understanding things for the purpose of helping himself and the world)
